So how come you Kenyans win the Boston marathon ? I am tired of being asked that question by some Boston red sox fan who eats dunkin donuts everyday. However in the spirit of the next president of USA being the Obamakenyanman I will be kind today.

There are a few things we have to deal with first. It is not true that Kenyan genes can run faster. Genes don't move. I don't know that for sure but neither did Hillary Clinton know if she heard bullets falling or flowers.

It is not true that Kenyans are born running. I was actually born crying. I had my reasons , you can imagine what they were.

But if you wish to win the Boston Marathon, I am here for you. As a Kenyan who just hates baseball. I am here for you. Oh, I did not say I hate the Red Sox. I don't even understand the game , how can I hate them? But I do hate Manny's hair.

If you wish to win the Boston Marathon, this is what you need to do.

1. Change your name

If you are called a simple name like Charles, William, Ophibia, etc it won't work. You must change your name to start with "kip" . You will notice the best Kenyan runners are called Kip Keino, Kipchoge, Kip....etc. You must change your name to KipCharles, Kip Don Corleone, Kip don Imus. If you have any hope of winning the marathon you need to change your name. It only costs a visit to your notary.

However if your name is Bush, Kip Bush would mean Son of the Bush and that's not a very nice thing considering bushes don't think. Son of someone who does not think might be correct but it is not right.

2. Change your diet

You need to drink something called 'mursit' for breakfast. Mursit is an energy bar made in Kenya. It is made from the freshest milk in the farm. However, the fresh milk has got to be in a wooden jar until it actually rots.

It's ok, you call it yogurt in Boston. It's like Ben and Jerry's without a fridge. The bitter taste will make you rise up and run faster. Forget about energy bars.

3. Addidas Suck

I never saw addidas or nike or reebok. I can assure you they don't work. If you are running from your father who's about to hit the hell out of you and going to school to meet a teacher who will then beat heaven out of you, shoes mean nothing.

When I think about it, my soles have never been soft. I was told that walking without shoes gives me character. It is now at my age that I know it meant daddy could not afford shoes.But african fathers have to prove a point.

The point was I need to walk and run to school in the snow and the hills would change . When I went to school the hills were rising, by the time I was coming back , the hills had changed direction and were rising again. Then there was snow,rain, hail ,rivers, and lakes.

Ok that's enough of Hillary Clinton.There is no snowing in Kenya.

If you have jiggers in your feet , you tend to move faster than those without.

4. Not All Kenyans Are Obama

It is not true that since Obama's father was a Kenyan , Obama can win the marathon. It is not true that Obama is a Kenyan. He's actually from Chicago and only went to Kenya with a tourist visa. So he can not win the Boston marathon.

Changing from a republican to a democrat to win the Boston marathon will not help you.

If you really wish to win the boston marathon, become a Kenyan citizen.

5. Being Honest Does Not Work

The Kenyan culture is to rig the elections. Kenyans will understand that. In fact they will join the coalition. We shall help you cheat in the race. That's why we still love Haile Gebreselassie. He rigged our own Paul Tergat and he won the race.

We understood and we still love Haile. What was Tergat doing allowing himself to be tripped? That is why Kibaki rigged the elections and Raila is prime minister though he won and we just laugh at Raila.

In short if you wish to beat a Kenyan in the Boston marathon you need to

1. Start before the gun goes off. Preferably 4 minutes before.
2. Wear no shoes.
3. Eat rotten milk for breakfast
4. See your notary and change your name to Kip rigging, Kip Madonna etc

Then you will win the Boston marathon. The Kenyans are coming the Kenyans are coming.

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6 Comments

kegeguy March 28, 2008 Votes: +0	you are very stupid. for a moment i thought u were serious. if this is where ur taking us, i really fear for us report abuse vote down vote up
masu April 02, 2008 Votes: +0	I have added my own reasons why Kenyans always win the marathon. http://masaaa.com/kenyanforum/sports-and-games/how-to-beat-kenyan-in-the-boston-marathon/#189 report abuse vote down vote up
masu April 02, 2008 Votes: +0	find out why i think that Kenyans win the boston marathon at the forum. http://masaaa.com/kenyanforum/...athon/#189 report abuse vote down vote up
Pea April 13, 2008 Votes: +0	HAHAHAHA.... hilarious. report abuse vote down vote up
mson April 20, 2008 Votes: +0	hilarious?.....thought its actually Ridiculous...Are you Kenyan? report abuse vote down vote up
236260 April 22, 2008 Votes: +0	I am not Kenyan. I won't go so far as to say it is hilarious, but it is amusing. Think of it in the context of having been, even for a moment, deceived into believing Makii was serious. Now, imagine this essay being applied as an answer to the serious question posed by the referenced, hypothetical, Boston Red Sox fan. If the mental image of some beer-gutted moron trying to figure out whether or not he's being enlightened as to the real "secret" behind Kenyan marathon successes isn't just a little funny, then you haven't known enough beer-gutted Sox fans. Most people don't get it... the humor of mind games. Not Americans. Not Kenyans... certainly not Britons. It is why men like Andy Kaufmann were not understood by most people. report abuse vote down vote up

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